Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
