I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
