Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
