Are we in a gay sports bar?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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