Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
