Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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