I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
