Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
