i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
