Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
