k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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