i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
