I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
