Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
