I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
