I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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