I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
