So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
