Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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