you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
