yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
