Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
