I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
