That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
