it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
