I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
