Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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