So drunk its hurt
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
