dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
