It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
