at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
