I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
