i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
