Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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