but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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