We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
