Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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