why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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