corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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