You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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