Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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