I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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