I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
