If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
