my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
