i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
