My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
