im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
