WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
