this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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