my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
